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Archive for March, 2009

You Will Enter A Contest. (Duck: che`-on)

March 23rd, 2009 Josh Berthume No comments

I have been collecting literary / writing contests lately, and most of them are pretty cut and dried: type, style, genre, word count, deadline, etc. You do occasionally find something very interesting, though. Geist is a good book, and they have launched an example of such a contest:

The Geist Fortune Cookie Contest
First Prize: $250 | Second Prize: $150 | Third Prize: $100
(more than one prize per category may be awarded)
Honourable Mentions: Swell Geist gifts

Welcome to the Geist Fortune Cookie Contest, the writing contest based on faux wisdom and vague predictions.

Send us a piece of writing inspired by a fortune cookie message. The relationship can be as tangential as you like, as long as there is a connection to the initial fortune cookie prophecy or aphorism.

Isn’t that cool?

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Categories: The Work, The Writing Process Tags:

Simple Poem for New Spring

March 19th, 2009 Josh Berthume No comments

(Written in 2008)

What the hands want,
the heart desires

until the sun sets
and the moon retires.

Why the fuck am I at Wal-Mart
on Easter Sunday?

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Categories: Poetry, The Work Tags:

Fail File: McSweeney’s Lists #1

March 16th, 2009 Josh Berthume 3 comments

Part of being a professional writer is being rejected. I thought it would be informative to show you what things I’ve submitted that get passed on for publication and to tell you why, if the editor was kind of enough to let me know. This was my first ever submission to McSweeney’s which, as literary journals go, is a big deal for new American writers.

I submitted for a section of McSweeney’s called Lists, which is exactly what it sounds like. You can see the latest round of lists that were accepted instead of mine if you go right now – this one is particularly great.

So, now, what did I submit that didn’t make it?

Facebook Status Updates That Have Made Me Regret Accepting Friend
Requests From Passing Acquaintances
By Josh Berthume

USA HISTORY I hugged a black today to celebrate Berak Obama

Miscarriage! (and not of justice lol)

praying to Our Lord And Savior Jesus Christ for good news about my boat

sorry about your crotch rash, boo :( <3

r u ready 2 party i m gettin ready 2 party blow it up rite after my hearing

I am going to kill Josh Berthume

The editor said, specifically, that they weren’t going to use this one because they are “a little Facebook’ed out at the moment.” That’s legit. The lesson I take from this is that maybe I should try something a little less topical next time.

At any rate, I thought my submission was strong, and the reason the editor gave for passing was sensible. This interaction is a blessing because most times you don’t get anything personalized in a rejection – editors are busy, busy bees – so you’re never sure about the what or why. So thanks, McSweeney’s. More submissions will be winging their way to your digital mailbox soon.

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Categories: Fail File, The Work, The Writing Process Tags:

The Grainy Haze of Years

March 12th, 2009 Josh Berthume No comments

The Street View in this google maps treatment of the house where I grew up is clearer than the picture I have my mind.

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Categories: Uncategorized Tags:

Tuning the Instrument, Or Writing as Yourself

March 9th, 2009 Josh Berthume No comments

You would think from the title that this would be some sort of update about my WRITER’S BRAIN and how I am caring for and feeding it lately, now that I am publishing as a freelancer and writing book proposals and getting myself out there in a way that I think is successful. It is? Sort of? (The secret is that the only thing different is the fact that I am writing.)
Read more…

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Categories: The Writing Process Tags:

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