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Archive for the ‘Short Stories, Long Odds’ Category

If I Am A Stranger

January 14th, 2010 Josh Berthume 2 comments

Come, let us renew ourselves
here, with each other.
Normally we sit on shelves
and deny that we are brothers

because there’s no money
in it. The best way to know
who you are these days, the key
is to look to others, so

that you can learn a little about
you. If I am a stranger still
after all this time we’ve gone without,
then I’ll know it was your will.

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Holiday Vignettes 3: IV – Brothers

January 12th, 2010 Josh Berthume No comments

I was lucky this year to see
my brother at Christmas. He’s been
in Oregon for years now
with his lovely wife Sarah
and snow dog Clancy.

As we’ve gotten older I have
come to think we look less and less alike.
I have never felt that we shared much
of a physical resemblance: My legs
are short – I’m all torso, while my brother

is built more evenly, a solid foundation
he’s worn well for most of 38 years.
My belief for a long time was that most of what we shared
was an occasional deep melancholy and
a deeper thing for brunettes.

But now I have been his brother
for every day of 30 years. Although we are
separated by years in age (and years apart), he is in
my kitchen or my office when I
laugh suddenly, or

do an impression of The Man.  Now
you can see the resemblance
more in how we act and
who we’ve become than
how we look.

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Categories: Poetry, Short Stories, Long Odds Tags:

No Surprises, or How I Was Almost Arrested While Covering a College Republicans Convention

September 18th, 2009 Josh Berthume No comments

On March 28, I went to the Capitol Extension in Austin to cover the Texas College Republicans state convention. After waiting outside the hall for several hours, the press secretary brings me into the room, from which almost everyone has departed. He asks me to wait in an interior conference room while they prepare for the press conference and closes the door as he leaves.

After a few minutes, during which I’ve started going over my questions, a state trooper throws open the door, hand on the butt of his gun, and asks me in a too-loud voice to explain what I’m doing here.

“I’m the working press,” I say, “and I’m covering this convention.”

He says, “I’ve gotten several calls about you, about how you’ve been out there for hours harassing people and threatening people, disrupting their meeting.”

He asks for some ID, and I give it to him. He starts calling in my license number. I tell him that in four hours I spoke to no one, save for one guy from whom I bummed a cigarette.  He asks me what publication I write for.

“I’m here for the Texas Observer.”

He looks at me for a second and then says, “I’m gonna go find out who’s in charge.”

He soon comes back with the CR press secretary, who looks terrified. He doesn’t know who made the complaint and it shows. He gives a few breathless answers to rapid-fire questions before saying, “This guy is supposed to be here.”

The trooper hands back my license with some choice words about the prank before leaving. The kid gathers himself and turns to me. “We’re ready to start now,” he says. “We’re ready for you.”

And so my first official interaction with the Texas College Republicans was almost being arrested by a state trooper, who on false reports was chasing the specter of a marauding intruder.

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Night Devils, Down the Hill

September 3rd, 2009 Josh Berthume 2 comments

In 1986, my family lived in Everman, Texas, up on a hill in a rented house at the end of a gravel road. On a cold Sunday near the beginning of spring, a knock at the door revealed Mario, our neighbor, standing on the front porch and looking disconcerted.

“Something killed our dog,” Mario said. “I think it was a mountain lion.”

Mario had a son named Rene. Rene was my best friend at the time by virtue of being the only other kid I knew in a new town. I was worried about him. My father pulled on his coat and told me to stay in the house. I followed along anyways.

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Categories: Short Stories, Long Odds, The Work Tags:

The Ideal Editor – Writer Relationship: A Chat Log

July 29th, 2009 Josh Berthume No comments
12:57 PM me: happy birthday honger
Are you still in the savage lands?

12:58 PM Joe: No, back in NYC.
How goes it?

me: Compared to what?

12:59 PM Joe: I don’t know. Penury, disgrace?

me: Not bad at all.
I learned a new word while writing a small story for Texas Observer and then didn’t get the chance to use it in the story
1:00 PM Yonic: describing or alluding to the vaginal, the womb. Counterpoint to phallic.

Joe: Lousy word. No onomatopoeia.

me: hahaha

1:01 PM Joe: Only William Buckley could pull that word off.
And he’s dead.

me: That sounds like a challenge.
I got away with ’surfeit’.

1:02 PM Joe: Surfeit is a good word.

me: “Sudden surfeit of earthquakes,” no less

1:03 PM Joe: Thats no good. Too many S’s, for one. Plus it’s not like you can have an accumulation of earthquakes. They’re not like pies. You can have a surfeit of pies.
Spate of earthquakes? Series? String?
1:04 PM Surge?

1:06 PM me: I think, considering surfeit’s root and usage to mean overabundance, you can have a surfeit of earthquakes in some cases, like 5 over seven days centered on a town that had never had seismic activity at all prior to those

Joe: It’s wrong and you know it.

me: and since when is alliteration undesirable? I think it is a lost art
goddammit

Joe: You can’t have an overabundance of earthquakes. One is too much.
One earthquake is an overabundance.

1:07 PM me: But they are tiny adorable earthquakes!

Joe: And earthquakes don’t abound.
I don’t think you can have an overabundance of anything that isn’t a physical thing.
Can you have a surfeit of wind?
ANSWER ME THAT MOTHERFUCKER

1:08 PM me: The crab fishermen on the Bering Sea would say yes
Do you hate America now?

Joe: If they’re illiterate they would.

me: <— lolz
okay fine, I’ll change it

Joe: You went to college so you wouldn’t have to be a crab fisherman.

1:09 PM me: I dislike overabundances of wind

Joe: String of earthquakes works.
Use that.

me: no, I’m going to use spate

Joe: String of intensifying earthquakes? That “ten” sound in the middle really propels it.

me: so you know how emasculated I am

Joe: Feel that rhythm.
1:10 PMAnd there’s a hint of alliteration.
Don’t be emasculated. Just don’t use words incorrectly.
fucker

1:12 PM me: fair enough.

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